24

24

Today, I am grateful for the simple pleasures of life. I know, I am guilty of not using the hours wisely. I could have gone out, I could have gone prospecting, I could have called prospects, I could have set appointments, I could have spent the entire day doing more than just what I've been doing: facing my computer, letting life pass by.

Although I've let so many opportunities pass me by today, I refuse to be defeated by myself. I refuse to be dejected by what I allowed myself to do, I refuse to be beaten down by my undisciplined self. I am grateful that despite the grip my undisciplined self has on my life,  I am still in control of how I should feel. I am grateful that I know I can decide that today will be the last day of letting the time flow while I sit still by its riverbanks refusing to ride its tides.  I am grateful for the opportunities for introspection that I am given. I am grateful for remembering that I did not just waste my day because I remember that I have so much to be grateful for:

I am grateful that I was finally able to write and send my apologies to people that I believe I have hurt.
I am grateful that I am still able to send emails to Noel, to Belle, Paulyne, to Dean, to Donna, to Remigio, to Mildred. I am grateful that despite my inability to trace Floripe, I was decided to send my apologies to her as well.

I am grateful that finally I was able to do my acts of humility or acts of contrition.
I am grateful that finally I was able to tell Noel that I deeply apologize for the hurts I caused him.
I am grateful that I was able to realize the need to be contrite of heart and to ask for their forgiveness
I am grateful that despite what others may say about what I did,  I still went on whatever they may say.

I am grateful for Gina, for Susan, for Manny and for Mayel, for Plet & Emong, for Gettie, for Teddy, for my friends at my former office. I am grateful for they understood and treated me and Bong as partners and not just each other's passing fancy.

I am grateful for Dada, Rose, Aling Dolor, Mike, Betong, Angie and the rest for they really cared for Bong much more than I did.

I am grateful for Larry, despite his misgivings, he paid his respects to Bong
I am grateful for Anton, despite his ulterior motives, at least he paid his last respects to Bong
I am grateful for Bong's alta friends, their absence made me realize how much I meant to Bong
I am grateful for everything I have now, warts and all, the problems and tribulations
I am grateful that I am able to smile despite or inspite of everything,
Thank you Lord for being in my heart,
Thank you for being my personal savior,
Thank you for being there, in your silence, in your absence, I know in my heart that you are doing everything, moving everything, making all things necessary without my knowledge, just so you can give me the best of your intentions, that I may reach my destined fulfillment as you planned.

Thank you for my sundering my employment for only then did I really learn how to trust in you fully. The lessons are difficult to learn, they are too hard to pass, but pass I them I must, tread the path, work the lessons, I must because I believe God, you sent them to me because I needed to learn and experience each and every joy and sorrow, failures and successes that I have had the past 2 years.

I am truly grateful Lord that you gave me this chance. Not everyone is given the chance that I was given, not everyone is led to the path that I have taken. I am grateful Lord for in all my sufferings I truly feel your love, in all my joys I truly feel your presence. I am grateful for everything Lord because if you have not forged me in the fires of the past 2 years, I wouldn't be able to handle and accept the losses that I have been suffering.

Thanks you Lord. Thank you Universe.

20 May - From valley to valley, from trough to trough I am with thee Lord, my joy and strenght

I realize today that in less than 12 months I've lost one of my best friends, a victim of murder; my partner, a victim of metastatic pancreatic cancer and by the 27th of next month my nephew and nieces, all 4 of them would have migrated to Canada. Then I shall be alone in our house happy with my aging mom and dad. Just the 3 of us living joyfully.

I am grateful for all these losses that I am going through for they only make it clearer to me that there is really nothing constant in this life other than God who is always there for me, for every trough of tears I drown in, every valley of unhappiness I walk through, I am grateful knowing that God is there, in the silence, in the stillness, in the loneliness of every experience, I know He is there just as He is in every peal of laughter, every jolt of joy, every smile, every second of sunlight, in the very air I breath, in everything I see, in every sensation and feeling I have, I am grateful for the realization that God is in all of it!

I am grateful for the frailties of my humanity, snap of anger, the loss of temper, the untoward response, not because I see God in them but precisely because it shows me how human I am, that I have feet of clay, yet I also realize that in all these where there is an absence of Godliness, these are opportunities precisely to reach out to God, to discern what he wants me to do, to hold that last straw without breaking, to cool the temper simmering to boiling, to hold the tongue, to tie the hand the smites, to close the eyes of malice, and to breath in and to fill my being with the calming breath of God. 

I am grateful for the tender mercies and glorious philanthropies of other men, the focused intentions of someone like Iliac Diaz, ever searching to provide meaningful inventions and discoveries that would help or would create improvements meant not for the top 1% but for the marginalized for whom the simplest necessities of the rich are like the gift of the Gods.

I am grateful for the almost 157,680,000 seconds, each and every one of those seconds I spent with Bong before he passed away, each and every second of joy, sadness, trust, distrust, hope and failures, disappointments and successes and love that we shared.

I am grateful for all my friends who generously contributed to Bong's family, which made it very easy for them to give him a very decent burial. I am grateful for the love my friends have for me, for they treated Bong truly as my partner

I am grateful for my memories of Bong, who loved me with his entire being. Without Bong, I would not have known how it is to be loved by someone who really has nothing to material to give, yet could make me feel that I am truly loved by him.

I am grateful for rediscovering my faith during the past 2 years, had I not gone through all my tribulations, I would not have rediscovered my faith and if I had not rediscovered my faith in God, I would not have survived all my tribulations. 

I am grateful for whatever life throws my way because it makes me feel alive with God!