30 November - I am grateful to be back!

My last post I guess was also the day I saw the blackness creeping in. It has by now blocked all the sunlight and it seems that the past 97 days are the worst of my "career life", depressing, stifling, heavy pessimism, the worst of the worst. I am not out of the realm of darkness yet. I can still its stale breath sticking to my body like as I struggle to break free. I latch all my hope to the faint glimmer of light I see each time I gather myself and close my eyes to consider my life. All I need is the strength to believe in my own glimmer of life so I can march on, break free from myself and live life as it should be: full of wonder, amazement and gratitude for the blessings the never stop even in the darkness of the night.

I am grateful that I recognize the deep pit of myself, knowing its every nook and cranny, knowing that it is only as strong as I am weak, my doubts are only as strong as I am weak; and I release this negative feelings, these doubts, this useless pessimism

I am grateful for God being there, for His Words, for His being Everywhere, without time, without bounderies, without doubt, even without need for me knowing or believing. I am grateful that I believe.

I am grateful knowing that God is the Universe and that the Universe is God. I am grateful knowing that God is in us and that we are in God.

I am grateful for all the books, the guidance, the maps and road markers that only I can study, follow and use for my trek

I am grateful for my 100 days of darkness for I face my dark self and I touch every feature of my darkness. Tears of sympathy flow from my eyes, unbidden and with gratitude I embrace my dark self for it is one with me.

I am grateful for my 100 days of darkness for with it I am now able to release my darkness to God, to the Universe, knowing that it is but a reminder of myself that was.